From the Sidelines

Authorities over the weekend issued a warning to Vashon Island schools and businesses of a mysterious illness expected to strike the Island no later than Wednesday of this week.

The malady, known sometimes as the Green Flu or Pirate Fever, often causes high rates of absenteeism for up to four days at a time. Symptoms may include difficulty paying attention to assigned tasks and frequent visits to www.wiaa.com and other Web-sites associated with local high school sports.

Victims have been known to coat their faces and other exposed skin with salves and paints in garish green and gold colors, apparently in an attempt to relieve the discomfort of the fever. Wearing green and yellow clothing also seems to help.

Similar illnesses have been reported in smaller communities and school districts around the state, where other color combinations of salves and paints are believed to bring relief.

The only known cure seems to be to spend time in the SunDome in Yakima. The atmosphere inside the structure is said to contain properties that relieve the symptoms or change them to a desire to yell non-stop for up to 32 minutes at a time, but treatment may take up to four full days for the worst cases.

While there is no practical way to prevent the illness, authorities say that symptoms inevitably subside no later than Saturday night or Sunday morning and victims of the condition almost always return to work or school Monday morning.